Uncle Hyena (unclehyena) wrote,
Uncle Hyena
unclehyena

Bad Coffee

The following is from "The Order of the Stick: Start of Darkness", a greyscale hardcopy-only prequel to Rich Burlew's "Order of the Stick" web comic. It is too good not to share. (In the highly improbable case that you are reading this, have any knowledge of RPGs, and are not ALREADY reading "The Order of the Stick", you should be. It's funny AND it has a soul.)

Uncle Hyena

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Xykon: We're discussing exactly two things before I get some of this java in me: jack and squat.

Right Eye: You should know that we have, from time to time, ordered whole pots of the coffee here to use as grenade weapons against our enemies.

Red Cloak: It is often mistaken for a black pudding.

(Xykon drinks and smiles.)

Xykon: Now that... that is something right there.

Red Cloak: You-- you actually like the taste of it?

Xykon: Hell no. It's the most disgusting sludge I've put in my stomach in years. But you see, nothing really compares to a cup of truly awful coffee.

Right Eye: Uh... How about a cup of really GOOD coffee?

Xykon: Not the same thing at all. When you drink a good cup of coffee, you try to immerse yourself in that cup. You focus all of your senses on what you're drinking. How it smells, how it tastes, how it feels on your tongue. You savor the experience.

Xykon (continuing): But when you drink a cup of absolutely horrid coffee, you do everything possible to NOT immerse yourself in it. You try to shut out your senses from what you are drinking. Inevitably, you try to stave off the assault on your poor little innocent tongue by mentally comparing it to all of the better coffee you've had in your life--

Xykon (continuing): --reliving each cup in comparison to the godforsaken crap you're pouring down your gullet now. So when you drink a good cup of coffee, you're only drinking that one cup...

Xykon (continuing): But when you drink a bad cup of coffee, you remember every good cup you ever drank. And at my advanced age, that's a helluva lot of good coffee.

Red Cloak: That's... almost profound.

Xykon: I should hope so. 77 years of living, it's all I've got to show for it in regards to wisdom. Except maybe this: Being a badass villain is a barrel of laughs, sure, but if you can't get enjoyment out of the little things in life, what's the point?

Copyright 2007 by Rich Burlew
Fair use without permission.
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