Uncle Hyena (unclehyena) wrote,
Uncle Hyena

A Lesson in Paul-Speak

In the last couple of weeks, I have had occasion to use a minor variation on the follwing phrase, in relation to my current diet, a number of times: "It has been determined that if I give up soft drinks altogether I start to bite the heads off of kittens."

Apparently, there is something about this phrase that leads people to not hear it AT ALL. No one has ever reacted to it in any way; no one has been horrified, no one has asked me what it meant, and several people have gone on to suggest that I really ought to give up soft drinks altogether. This strikes me as a bit bizarre.

So let's parse the phrase, shall we? First, it is REALLY unlikely to be literally true. Regardless of what you think of my personality, it is REALLY HARD to acquire kittens in the kind of quantity to make this a meaningful statement, unless you already have one or more fecund cats (and I do NOT). Second, it almost certainly means SOMETHING, because while I am unquestionably prone to rambling on, there is almost always a point in there somewhere. Third, I am more than a little prone to hyperbolic phrases. So...

So: "It has been determined that if I give up soft drinks altogether I become irritable and unhappy to socially unacceptable levels." Was that really that hard? It's just... BORING.

Uncle Hyena
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